Step One

Step One:  We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Journaling prompts from Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps.

Powerless Inventory:  Listing all times I have been powerless to stop my behavior.

I'm not sure how to approach this journaling prompt.  I mean, obviously I've been powerless to stop my behavior.  Every time I've said on a Sunday night, "Okay, this is it, tomorrow will be a fresh start" - and then not followed through.  Every time I go into a store and say, "Only get what you need," and walk out with a candy bar.  Every time I've eaten the kids' cookies or candy or whatever, despite the fact that I know I shouldn't.  There's no way I can write an exhaustive list.

Maybe instead, I'll keep a 'current' powerlessness inventory.  Every time I currently experience powerlessness, I'll update this post.  For now, I'll write about my powerlessness this past weekend.

Originally, our plan involved an errand near my favorite bakery, which is an hour away.  I haven't been there in two or three years, and it was the bakery that made our wedding cake.  We're rarely in that area, so the plan was to swing by and get some goodies as a 'rare' treat.  Well, on Saturday I called to check their hours for Sunday and was very disappointed to hear that they're closed on Sundays.  So that night, when we did our family fun night, I ate s'mores with the kids, which I'd been planning on skipping.  I told myself that it was a trade-off, and that besides, two s'mores aren't as unhealthy as what I'd been planning on eating anyway.  Then on Sunday, I was in the grocery store with the kids, killing time, and they wanted snacks.  Instead of abstaining myself, I got a muffin right along with them.  Later in the day, when I did the weekly shopping trip, I picked up a candy bar, too.

I hate admitting these things.

Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.