Steps Two and Three

Step Two:  We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Three:  We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Journaling prompts taken from Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps.

In the Gentle Path book, Steps Two and Three are combined.  The chapter starts with a "Openness to Spirituality - Self Assessment" quiz.  The questions are:

In a grocery store, when searching for something you cannot find, do you:  keep searching until you find it, or ask for help.

When putting something together from a kit, do you:  follow directions carefully, quickly go through the instructions only when you get stuck, or figure it out for yourself.

When you are personally in pain and need support, do you usually:  talk to people immediately, wait until the crisis is over and then tell people, or get through it the best way you can without help.

For the first two questions, I ask for help and follow directions.  For the last one, I vary between all three.

The idea is that most addicts and co-addicts get stuck in a pattern of not asking for help, of going it alone with their problems.  This pattern can hinder Steps Two and Three, and recovery in general, as we need to ask for help from our Higher Power to find recovery.  The Gentle Path book asks you to examine people in your life and how they affect your ability to ask for and receive help.

Dad:  I've always been able to ask Dad for help when I need it.  He's generally nonjudgmental and supportive, and has never made me feel stupid or dumb for asking questions or for help.  He's a good teacher, usually patient, and explains things without being condescending.  He never really made me feel bad when I made a mistake.

Mom:  I could never really ask Mom for help.  She would always become overbearing, making the problem her problem, becoming overly emotional about it to the point where I felt responsible for her feelings, or demanding I follow her course of action, or just generally overshadowing me.  She is also very blame oriented and would either blame/shame me, or someone else who frequently didn't deserve it.  Taking personal responsibility was never modeled.  She is not a good teacher, often losing her patience, and always expecting you to know how to do something without being taught.

Sister:  As an adult, I know I can use my sister as a source of support and ask her for help, but I often feel like, as the older sister, I shouldn't rely on her.  I feel protective of her and don't want to burden her with my issues.  This isn't really because of anything she's done, though.  She's generally helpful and considerate.  This question doesn't really apply to my childhood, though, as she's much younger than I am.

Grandmother:  My grandmother often lived with us when I was growing up.  She wasn't the perfect teacher as far as showing patience went, but she was always happy to explain things and teach me homemaking-type skills.  She was very generous and while I didn't ask her for help too much, I always knew that she would always do whatever she could to help me.

Teachers:  Most teachers were pretty helpful.  I generally had a good experience in school and knew I could go to my teachers for help if I needed it.  The one exception was a teacher in 6th grade - have a clear memory of her being distinctly unhelpful in a certain situation, and of feeling very stupid for asking her about something.

The next step is to select from a list of adjectives, feelings that arise when it becomes necessary to ask for help.  The ones I identify with are:  vulnerable, uncertain, tentative.  The list of adjectives are then arranged into four categories:  dependence, counterdependence, independence, and interdependence.  The adjectives I chose all fall under the heading of dependence, which is defined as "We need and want help."

Serenity Prayer:

Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.