Steps Two and Three

Step Two:  We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Three:  We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Journaling prompts taken from Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps.

Higher Power Attitude Index

The six words I chose from a list of 24 adjectives to describe God are:  absent, nonexistent, hoax, imaginary, fanciful, and unreal.

The words I chose fall under the 'nonexistent' category, obviously.  I haven't believed in the traditional concept of God for a long time.

The words I chose could also be used to describe how my mother 'helped' me during my childhood.  She was often absent, either physically or mentally.  She was either busy with her job, busy with housework, or emotionally unavailable.  Any help she did try to give me was 'imaginary, unreal, nonexistent."

My definition of 'Higher Power' has changed a lot.  When I was a young child, I believed in the God that my mother believed in.  By around 11-12 years of age, I became an atheist.  I'm not sure anyone influenced that - it just seemed like a logical conclusion.  In my early 20's, I became interested in Earth-based spirituality.  I still didn't believe in God, but I believed in the 'miracle' of nature and life.  During my 20's, I believed I was my own Higher Power.  I had full faith in my intellect and my ability to made good decisions and take care of myself.  I knew that, given the information I needed to make a decision (which the Internet and books always provided), I was able to make the 'right' decision every time.  It wasn't until getting into recovery with my husband that I began to see the error of my ways.

In my other Twelve Step program, I began to redefine my Higher Power.  I could no longer say that my intellect was all I needed or that my thinking, reasoning, and decision-making was sound.  I saw myself doing crazy, illogical things - things that I had previously thought made total sense.  I started trying to follow the suggestions given to me in program, to listen to the experience, strength, and hope I heard from my fellow members.  I was amazed to see that this new way of behaving worked better than what I'd done in the past, and I began to have faith in the group.  My group was my Higher Power.  Gradually, I've broadened that definition to include the community that I chose to include in my life, from my first Twelve Step group, to OA, to my therapist, to healthy, recovery-minded friends, and so on.

Serenity Prayer:

Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.