Step One

Step One:  We admitted we were powerless over food - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Journaling prompts from Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps.

My life is unmanageable.  I am powerless.  I need help.

I have many emotional consequences to my overeating.  I have felt extreme  hopelessness and despair - almost to the point of being suicidal.  I have felt like I am two different people - the 'normal' woman and the fat woman.  My emotions swing from extremes with little provocation.  I often fantasize about a better life and sometimes lose touch with reality.  I have very little self esteem.  I've tried so hard to control this addiction and failed every time - leaving me with overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame.  That leads me to isolate and feel lonely.  I'm exhausted and afraid of the future.

The physical consequences of overeating are pretty obvious, though thankfully aren't as bad as they could be - yet.  I'm over 150 lbs overweight.  This causes tremendous stress on my  heart - I'm terrified I'll have a heart attack any day.  My blood pressure is elevated and I'm probably pre-diabetic.  Thankfully my cholesterol isn't that bad.  I have no energy.  I have no stamina for physical exercise.  I get winded all the time.  Back aches are frequent.  My feet, legs and his hurt often.  Knees, too.

My addiction and weight problem cause a lot of problems in my marriage.  I feel repulsive and reluctant to have sex.  I feel like he doesn't want to be seen in public with me, that he's ashamed of me.  I can't do a lot of activities with him that I'd like to do.  I feel so unlovable.  How do you have a relationship with someone when you don't feel worthy of it?  When you feel less than, in every way?

My weight also causes problems with my kids.  On the most extreme level, I'm afraid that I'll die and leave them without a mother.  To be less dramatic,I can't be as active with them as I'd like.  I run out of energy too quickly when we're playing.  Because of my self-consciousness and certainty that people don't like me, I don't get them as many playdates as I think they should have.  It's very difficult for me to form friendships.  I'm also scared the kids will pick up my bad habits.

My lack of energy also makes it hard for me to keep the house looking like I want it to.  I fee like a terrible housewife.

Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.